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X-Men Memories, Before They Went Hollywood (aka Gay)

Dec 03, 2013 5:47 pm
Smutty By Smutty
MEGAVIP, 771 Points
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When Smutty was a kid, he didn't have enough money to buy comic books. So, while momma clown was shopping at the grocery store, I would read every one in the magazine rack...or at least look at the pictures.

That was late 80s. Next came the 1990 Marvel Universe Series 1 Trading Cards. For the first time, Smutty saw this guy with claws named Wolverine, and thought that he looked like he could make some real violence (if justice required it of course). I was an instant fan. Unlike Captain America, Spiderman, Hulk, and all the others who I had seen on tv a million times, there was something underground and edgy about Wolverine. Not many of Smutty's friends even knew who Wolverine was.

Then 1992 brought the realization of all of Smutty's X-Men dreams as X-Men The Animated Series debuted on Fox Kids one saturday morning. Smutty watched the first ever airing, and Morph even died in it! (or so we thought) The theme song kicked ass like none since maybe Transformers The Movie '87, and the show made all the X-Men characters famous in the US, at least among the kids.

At that point, X-Men was still "hip" and underground.

Jump forward to y2k, Smutty, now a teen, was thrilled to watch the first X-Men the Movie (2000) in theatres. The Wolverine cage intro scene was bad-ass, and the movie represented the characters well enough to be enjoyed.

Smutty saw the sequel X2 in theatres and immediately deciphered it as a gay propoganda flick, but it had some redeeming qualities. Unlike the first movie that had the original electronic synth film score, X2 sold out with the generic orchestra score that made it just seem ridiculous at times and overly-ambitious.

Sadly, it didn't stop there. Last Stand (2006), Origins: Wolverine (2009), First Class (2011), The Wolverine (2013), and the upcoming Days of Future Past have served to further bland-out and mainstream X-men. Now, like most all comic characters and Transformers, they have been taken from the arms of the true fans and handed over to the stupid masses.

Now stupid people name their sons Logan. Now most everyone was introduced to X-men by one of these low-grade movies instead of the comics, or even a cartoon that held true to the comics.

Sigh, at least we still have Heavy Metal Magazine.


Smutty is the author of the best-selling book, 100 Things To Do That Are More Fun Than Sticking Your Dick into a Cigarette Lighter. Abandoned by his mother days after hatching, he has a life goal of making the world feel his pain. Hates faggy sports leagues like the NBA and NFL, likes to bitch-slap liberals, and generally disapproves of feminists and other degenerate bitches.

More articles from Smutty:
Did Feminism Ruin Rick and Morty?
MEGAVIP: Faeries (1999)
MEGAVIP: The Pebble and the Penguin (1995)
MEGAVIP: Once Upon a Forest (1993)
MEGAVIP: Wizards (1977)






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Did Feminism Ruin Rick and Morty?
by Smutty
MEGAVIP: Faeries (1999)
by Smutty
MEGAVIP: The Pebble and the Penguin (1995)
by Smutty
MEGAVIP: Once Upon a Forest (1993)
by Smutty
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