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Mike Rice and Men, will they ever learn?

Apr 24, 2013 4:51 pm
Shayne By Shayne
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Mike Rice and Men, will they ever learn?

When ESPN, the most tolerant television channel ever, aired Outside the Lines on April 2, 2013, I was amused to see Rutgers coach Mike Rice throwing basketballs at players. Not that I wanted any of them to get hurt, but I just have no affection for a sport that promotes discrimination against the vertically-challenged. Nor do I support men's college basketball programs in general, most of which take hostage the unaltered school nicknames, like the Tigers or the Tar Heels, and leave their school's womens basketball teams with the mentally-scarring names of...Lady Tigers or Lady Tar Heels. This *smacks* of bigotry.

Alas my laughter soon turned to tears when Coach Rice despicably began calling players the f word, and it wasn't the one that rhymes with buck but the one that rhymes with bag. Also, the s word, "sissy", adding misogyny to his already dirty slate of homophobic phrases. While my tears were for me and for my LGBT twitter followers, they were also for all the countless women out there who will probably need therapy to overcome seeing a college basketball coach call a player a sissy.

By choosing the term "sissy", Coach Rice was obviously implying that all women are weak physically. We now know for a fact that they are not naturally so (I read this in my freshman sociology class, although it did sort of contradict my science class which talked about the high level of testosterone in men's bodies vs estrogen in women's bodies...oh never mind). The point is that we feminists like to view our typical woman as a 6'8', dunking machine, not as a sweet girl who is just loving, happy, likes men, and all of those weak qualities.

With my whole world turned upside down, I gingerly strolled down to Starbucks and pondered the whole situation, and the conclusion that I reached is that the problem is not just a single evil straight man named Mike Rice. The problem is all of the evil straight men. We need to change the culture of manhood itself! Okay, I am aware that for the last 3,000 years all over the world that straight men have put each other down by conjuring up accusations of feminancy or homosexuality, but we now have a power that we never had before and it goes a little something like this...Twitter...Facebook...Viral Video...Social Media (holla!).

It was, after all, social media that cooked Rice. After being suspended on December 13, 2012 for three games, he was reinstated. However, then former NBA Basketball player Eric Murdock who was fired from his Rutgers assistant coaching job did the world a big favor by releasing the video of Mike Rice slur-uttering at his players during practice. The New York Times may have since reported that Eric had demanded $950,000 from Rutgers and threatened to release the video if they did not pay, the FBI may be investigating, but that's just part of the game! We have to do whatever it takes to put all of the f-word and s-word bigots on the sidelines permanently. He probably needed the money anyway, and that's what our public tax money is for, to help people who need it!

So on Apri 3, 2013, Mike Rice was fired for good. The sillies paid him a whole $475,000 of severence pay, which I would normally think is a good thing since nearly all government employees are heroes, but this man was an insult to the honorable institution of American Public Education. If he had been using more of his two hours a day with those young men to teach them to be respectful to women and to us alternative guys, then okay, I have no problem with spending 6 and 7 figures each year of other people's tax money on him. Studies have shown that for every $1 spent on teaching youth not to utter those unutterable words, that we save $7 in counseling over the course of their lifetime. It's totally paid for and then some! Consider it a future stimulus to the economy.

In closing, I would like to say, Mike Rice, you are a scumbag and a failure. You went to a university that is home to the Institute of Ethical Leadership, an organization composed of people who know what is right and wrong in a way that is much deeper than us little people. Can you say "prestigious"? They could have coddled you and helped you grow into a good man, if there is a such a thing. Not that there is a God either mind you (21st century here people!), but if there was, I would hope that He would punish you so bad for this. I mean, maybe you could be chained to a street light in HELL and everytime you uttered a slur, someone could throw a basketball, not at your head, but at your crotch because you are a dickhead and even worse (forgive my language here), you are a bully! Maybe even a cyber-bully, I have not checked your Twitter account, and you probably don't know what Twitter is but if you did you'd probably slur the whole thing up!

Shayne works as a staff writer at BOC because he wants to change the world one heart at a time through the rainbow power of social media. He does not wear shoes outdoors because he is afraid it will hurt the grass. He would like to apologize to everyone for the offenses of male gender and the caucasian race, and would like to remind everyone to "watch those slurs!".

More articles from Shayne:
Teaching Teens Proper Methods: A Realistic Approach to Texting and Driving

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