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HeadAssClown's Ultimate Classic Sci-Fi TV Quiz

Jun 05, 2013 11:02 pm
HeadAssClown By HeadAssClown
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Today, I am going to be quizzing these idiots on classic sci-fi tv. I am also including 80s shows like Captain Power and 90s shows like the Land of the Lost remake. So yeah, it is not classic in the most specific sense of the word, but those shows were a part of HeadAssClown's childhood so play along.

1. Lost In Space (1965-68)

Okay, let's start with one of the most classic series, Lost In Space (1965-68). What was the moral of the famous Season 2, Episode 15, titled "The Golden Man"?

Okay you guys, I have never seen any sci-fi except Game of Thrones and The Big Bang Theory (does that count?). I will take a guess out of my amazingly cultured modern mind that it means that all us men are greedy bastards who always just want money and sex, whilst women are always innocent and have the purest intentions.

Wasn't this the ep where the aliens come down from space and fuck a tree-full of monkies to create the human race? Then, they fly off in their tin can 60s space ship, and say, "Now mine all the gold you damn dirty little bastards! We'll be back in 50,000 years to get our stash!".

i just tink it funy when he say dangor wil robinsdon! dangor i say!

No, you're all wrong. The meaning was that Keema aka "the golden man" looked to be the morally correct character compared to the ugly frog-man, but that's only if you judged by outward appearances like the morally-challenged Dr. Smith did. Penny saw through the ugliness of the frog-man and realized that he had a good heart whereas the golden man was in fact evil. So it goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover or some shit like that.

2. Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987–1994)

When Captain Picard was sent back in time to relive his younger years by Q in the episode "Tapestry", what was one thing that he did?

Hopefully wear a condom so that Wesley Crusher was never born!

Reach out to minority aliens to establish more racial diversity on the Enterprise, at last count a lot of humans and only one Klingon.

he get it on wit mon mothma bak befor she wuz hag!

No, you fools. He didn't have sex with Beverly Crusher or Mon Mothma in their non-wrinkled-ass forms. Mon Mothma is from Star Wars anyway. He did have sex with a girl named Ensign Marta Batanides. He also fought with some members of the Nausicaan race before one stabbed him in the heart, which explains why he had an artificial heart.

3. Dark Angel (2000–2002)

Who was the femme fatale star of the Fox series Dark Angel?

With it being Fox, probably Ann Coulter or some other disgusting conservative.

eddie murphy!

It was the same biatch who later played in the Fantastic Four Galactus movie that didn't have Galactus in it.

That is close enough smutpile. That was a life-defining role for all the wrong reasons, because the movie violated the dignity of humanity in many ways. So, I will count your answer. Her name is Jessica Alba. You know, Flipper's best friend!

4. Farscape (1999-2003)

Bastian, you anally-retentive, self-righteous socialite, this question is just for you, so maybe you can draw even. Who uttered the slur "stinking plant" that pissed off Zotoh Zhaan, who then replied by saying "I am a stinking plant!". In other words, telling the person that she was offended.

Well this series happened in the last 10 years, so at least we have moved out of ancient times! Who watches shows more than 10 years old anyway? Give me epic tv like Two and a Half Men over forgettable shows like Lost in Space any day (on second thought just give me two and half men lol).

Just answer the damn question.

I don't know. I have never heard of Far's Cape.

I will guess Scorpius. That guy as the epitome of evil, and he looked like a cross between The Emperor from Stars Wars and Van Vader from WWE.

eddie murphy!

No, actually it was her friend John Crichton. I think she was the only girl on the ship that he didn't fuck with, and maybe that's why, he pissed her off.

5. Battlestar Galactica (1978–1979)

After his original fresh-and-blood daggit (doglike creature) named Muffit died, what was the name of Boxey's robotic replacement daggit?


Oh my God, how did the dog die? Some scumbag with Michael Vick mentality was probably mistreating it during the filming. Back in the 70s, they hadn't progressed to our amazing state of morality.

muffit 3?

Actually it was called Muffit 2. HYF, I will accept your answer because the only flaw in it was because you can't count. The score is now Smutty 1, HeyaFocks 1, Bastian 0.

6. Land of the Lost (1991-92)

Now for a more obscure series. In the 90s remake of Land of the Lost, when the Porters went back in time, they found friends in an ape named Stink and an extra intelligent dinosaur named Tasha. They also found one human. Who was the human's name?

They found Tom Hanks, and he was masturbating to a volleyball.

Probably someone who still had an iphone 4.

no dey found two! adam n steve!

No, they found a very sexy 20-something girl named Crista who had apparently fallen back in time years ago and had grown up among the dinosaurs. Kevin was always trying to get some from her, but it never really worked out. I guess in part because this was a saturday morning tv show.

7. The Twilight Zone (1959–1964)

Okay, here's another question about a sci-fi episode that tried to teach us something. In The Twilight Zone episode "The Eye of the Beholder", what was the ordeal that the pretty girl had to go through?

Didn't Alfred make her suck his Hitchcock in order to get the starring role?

She was probably trying to get equal pay to all of the evil men who she worked with.

4 wordz...ten tac kul rape

No, no, you fools. In this famous episode, they removed the bandages after her cosmetic surgery and she was beautiful (by our standards), but everyone else in society was extremely ugly, pig-nosed, deformed, etc. They couldn't accept someone who looked different than them. It was all about relativity and other intelligent concepts that would never surface in the modern-day garbage sitcoms.

8. Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007)

Stargate's Colonel Jack O'Neill was played by Richard Dean Anderson. What tv role is Anderson famous for? Come on guys, this is the easiest question yet!

Hmm, I remember some show where he did a lot of screwing.

No fret, I can't think of anything right now except the Game of Thrones Red Wedding episode. But I am sure one day I will learn the answer to your little question through the power of social media.

he play arceneeo on da arceneeo hawl show!

Come on smutpile, you know it right?

Ah yeah, MacGyver. I think one day on my Clowns in Hell blog that I will review the two-part episode where he meets Merlin.

That is correct! The MacGyver Merlin episode can't be any worse than Excalibur (1981) so I will look forward to it.

Final Score

The final score is Smutty 2, HeyaFocks 1, Bastian 0. Smutty wins, as if it was ever in doubt, and he was probably purposely answering incorrectly on some questions just to get a rise.

Like the gay gymnast said after winning the gold medal, "this is a fairy tale ending for me!", sniff sniff.

I just wasn't game for your decrepit quiz HAC. What is so great about these old shows that were made before we had even progressed to reality tv? I guess they had nothing better to do that make the most unrealistic shows they could imagine.

Exactly, most of these shows were made before the pollution called reality tv and the pollution of American culture in general. These shows didn't limit their creativity in order to conform to demands of realism. Consequently, they are better than today's shows in almost every way.

Except they don't show boobs and such.

Yes, that is true. I said almost every way.

HeadAssClown is the mastermind behind the Brood Of Clowns circus. He created BOC as an alternative for people who aren't douche bags and dislike the typical stupid trash culture. In his free time, he enjoys reading, long walks on the beach, and asian pornography. He has had sex with over 300 women and at least 50 snakes.

More articles from HeadAssClown:
BOC EXTRA: Way of the Virgin Chad
BOC EXTRA: Separation Anxieties
Hilarious! Brianna Wu Continues Its Congressional Campaign
'Fleccas Talks' Humiliates Leftist Actresses with Fake PSA Shoot
BOC EXTRA: Feminine Injustice

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