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Clowntable Discussion: 11-23-13 College Football Gameday

Nov 27, 2013 6:51 pm
ProfessorWinston By ProfessorWinston
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NCAA College Football..."not even we know who our champion is!".

You have to love it anyway though, lots of violence and drama. As we get closer to the Bowl Season, the Oregon Ducks show their true feathers and the upcoming Alabama-Auburn game looks to effectively be the national championship.

Let's join our expert panel, in all their meaningless sports knowledge glory...

Today, I'm going to discuss the grand game of collegiate football with my colleagues, HeadAssClown, Smutty, and unfortunately Bastian. First off, let's start with a young man who shares my name, Jameis Winston, and his #2 ranked Florida State Seminoles. They beat the Idaho Vandals 80-14 on Saturday.

They are a bunch of bullies! That's an example of bullying!

You dumbass, they are just trying to run up the score to satisfy all of the computer simulations, formula rankings, and other related bull-shit that comes into play in this "grand game". It's not just if you win. It's how you win.

Winston's sexual assault allegation will hurt him in the Heisman voting, and it would hurt FSU in any potential (albeit unlikely) scenarios where they had 1 loss and were more dependent on poll voters' subjectivity. If you're a male and live in the United States, it's "guilty and public" until proven innocent if you're the accused.

It's kind of like the Cam Newton situation from a couple of years ago, right?

All I remember from that is how the CBS accouncer Gary Danielson would always say, "Cyyyyyaaamm" in his ultra-annoying accent. Someone should tell him that there isn't a "y" in the word.

Okay I had never heard of these two canker-sores, but I looked them up on Twitter...and OMG OMG how can you compare the two? One just took some money and the other should be a REGISTERED MISOGYNIST!!!

You people are such f*cking nutcases.

You just wait clown. I'm in the launch phase of a new app that has a map of all the misogynists in every neighborhood, and I'm putting a big "Stay Away" red flag on your slithery abode.

I'd like to have an app like that showing all the mind-warped "progressive" fools like you. You're the reason that California is now completely uninhabitable.

Well speaking of California, and of fools, #23 ranked USC won 47-29 over Colorado, and #5 Oregon was shocked by a 42-16 loss to Arizona.

The Oregon Ducks are the fools you were referring to, I assume, with all their ridiculous uniforms and undeserved hype.

They were the last hope of the left coast, and now they've been embarassed again, even worse than in the Stanford game.

Yep, then Stanford lost to USC. The west coast teams just rarely ever have the defense to consistently contend for a national championship.

Does anyone know where I can buy a pink Oregon helmet?

ESPN Store probably, what a bunch of-

Whoa, let me stop you right there Smutty. Just to show that the Pac-12 doesn't have a monopoly on f*ck-ups, let's discuss the Florida Gators of the SEC losing 26-20 to Georgia Southern!

The Division I-AA, or now ridiculously called the FCS, is no joke, and the Southern Conference has produced some amazing teams and players over the years. For example, Randy Moss (Marshall), Terrell Owens (Chattanooga), Chad Pennington (Marshall), Dexter Coakley (Appalachian State), and Adrian Peterson (Georgia Southern) all made their mark. Georgia Southern has had a top program for years, and has won National Championships, along with Appalachian State and Marshall, before Marshall moved up to Division I-A. Appy State even beat #5 ranked Michigan as you will recall.

The Gay-tors just really suck this year and so does Coach Muck-champ.

Gainesville reminds me of the town in the Twilight flicks. I'm going to go see if I can find Edward!

Looking ahead to this coming Saturday, Auburn (10-1) plays Alabama (11-0), in what might be the best Iron Bowl in a long time.

I can't decide whether to hope that Alabama wins so that the voters won't have an excuse to put Ohio State in the National Championship game, or hope that Auburn wins because of Nick Saban.

If Alabama loses, Auburn might go to the national championship, to give the SEC a chance to defend their streak, but it would be up to speculation.

I think it should be Oregon vs. Ohio State. Florida State is a bunch of bullies, maybe even cyber-bullies, and Alabama needs to redistribute some of their wins. All the national championships should not go to the 1%!

Bastian, I guess that the Tide are, to use the words of the Obamacare architect, the "genetic lottery winners". Until there is a penalty for being strong and healthy in football, as there now is in health insurance, you will just have to cope with the team who works the hardest winning the National Championship.

Professor Winston is a senior fellow at BOCU, an imaginary university that he invented when printing out his paper B.A. and Ph.D. degrees. His main focus is history, philosophy, economics, and trying to get the undergrad bitches to sleep with him or use his tail for sex acts.

More articles from Professor Winston:
Christian Heroes: Chundra Lela, From Tortured Hindu to Victorious Christian
Clowntable Discussion: Monday Bloody Monday
Clowntable Discussion: #MeToo...or just #SheToo?
Glances at Prussian History
Clowntable Discussion: Is it Okay to be Gay?

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