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Advantages of Global Warming! (If it turns out to be real)

Jan 09, 2018 5:24 pm
HeadAssClown By HeadAssClown
MEGAVIP, 890 Points
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Earth, Our Bitch
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The topic of climate change is one for which nobody knows for sure if their stance is correct but that most all pretend that it is.

With that established, what if, despite all the times that they pushed their global warming claims for ulterior motives, the left turns out to be correct...for the first time? What if we wake up one day and climate change has somehow snuck up on us, despite the left shooting a million signal flares for every centimeter that the ocean moves?

If this occurs in reality one day, humanity may still stand to reap some golden-brown benefits.

Antarctica, The Final Frontier

Right now, an entire continent is being wasted — and we only have seven of them! Antarctica only has 1,000-5,000 people living on it, even though it is larger in land size than Europe or Australia. Imagine the land grab if it thaws. If another Hitler arises and demands living space, World War III might be averted by appeasing him with South Pole real estate.

Humans will win as they discover this gem of a continent that was in their basement all along. Of course, the penguins might go the way of the American bison, near extinction from all mass slaughter that will necessarily take place.

More Water Helping Us "Go Green"!

A buzz-phrase of late 2000's decade was "Go Green!". By the 2500's decade, maybe enough of the damn worthless ice will be melted so that we actually can. The water will spread all over the globe, helping trees and plants to grow. Think about that next time you use hairspray. You might be piercing the ozone layer, but you are also ushering in a new era of lush green forests and hills.

New Oceanfront Property for the Middle Class

While liberals are often bitching about the rich having it too good at the expense of the middle class, their anti-global-warming policies are "furthering the establishment". Nothing is going to change until we turn the temperature up enough to get some significant coastline shift. Before long, those working class victims who had to buy inland will be sipping champagne on the sand, with their proletariat toes dipped in salt water.

Melanoma-mania Makes for Hot Medical Industry Stocks!

As most of us have found out, the medical industry, even the so-called "non-profits", are all about profiting. What better way to inject an economic stimulus into their ass-cheeks than to increase skin cancer by 20%? Yes, the patients may be more likely to die, but not until their wallets and their insurance plans "have a go" at trying to make them survive! Their survivors will surely be grateful for the fat 401ks that will fall by inheritance right into their laps.

Women With Less Clothes

Did you ever wish they could all be California girls? Me neither. Most California girls are foul-mouthed whores. What we straights appreciate, however, is when beautiful women wear less clothing because it is hot outside. You might have girls with morals being forced to dress scantily by necessity rather than choice. Would those of you living in Minnesota like to see your local girls in bikinis rather than snowsuits? If so, keep burning your fossil fuels!

Spreading the Wisdom of Biology

For those otherwise landlocked children who would have had to endure hardly observing any marine species, global warming is a pathway to learning. Now little Maxine will be able to interact with dolphins, the gayest (happy) of all animals, and whales, the most helpless of all animals. Yes, sharks may be a threat, but at least it would just be human children dying and not the precious protected species.

HeadAssClown is the mastermind behind the Brood Of Clowns circus. He created BOC as an alternative for people who aren't douche bags and dislike the typical stupid trash culture. In his free time, he enjoys reading, long walks on the beach, and asian pornography. He has had sex with over 300 women and at least 50 snakes.

More articles from HeadAssClown:
BOC EXTRA: Way of the Virgin Chad
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Hilarious! Brianna Wu Continues Its Congressional Campaign
'Fleccas Talks' Humiliates Leftist Actresses with Fake PSA Shoot
BOC EXTRA: Feminine Injustice

Article Comments 1-1 of 1

Posted by Smutty Jan 09, 2018
05:53:58 pm
Smutty is a cold-blooded snake-clown! I usually don't give a damn if it is 10 degrees or 100 degrees, but HAC, you make a compelling argument. Next time we have some drinks you can tell me how I can contribute to global warming.

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