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Before Hetalia, KOF '94 Hated on Everybody's Nationality

Jul 04, 2013 8:57 pm
Smutty By Smutty
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Before Hetalia: Axis Powers stereoytyped everyone's ass in manga and anime, King of Fighters '94 took their subtle shots on the NEO GEO. The concept of this first edition of the KOF series was that a team of 3 characters were assigned to each country. Each battle was fought on one team's home turf, with a nation-specific background to give us cultural learnings.

Mai Shiranui is fighting for England, which makes no sense since she was born in Japan. USA hilariously has a basketball player and football player. Looks like three big dumb Americans.

The USA environment just makes you want to visit doesn't it? A smoking hobo, two hugging homos, a pimp announcer, broken down cars, graffiti, etc. At least the twin towers look nice and sturdy back there!

In Mexico, the mariachi band plays their drunken hearts out while the hombres and senoritas around them go loco! What is this, a NEO GEO stage or a Phoenix Suns game on the Mexican-ass kissing promotion night?


In England, they have a grave for Queen Victoria, some royal horse guards, and a whole lot of sexy British ladies looking on. You can see Mai pulling for her British team here. Cheerio, Mai!

In Japan, all is well as the Bogard boys and Joe Higashi beat the hell out of somebody.

In Italy, you can see the token angry Italian man in the green shirt...and in the same boat also Big Bear, Tung Fue Ru, and sadly Duck King, who was previously featured in Smutty's NEO GEO Losers.

Korea is a very desolate setting with no people. Hopefully North Korea didn't shoot some nukes or something.

The Brazil stage has the best music, a crashed helicopter that says "Death from Above", tribal kids poking at a parachute presumably with a dead guy inside, some wild natives hiding behind the rocks, and a tribal woman cupping and massaging her breasts. It's even better than Apocalypse Now!

Smutty is the author of the best-selling book, 100 Things To Do That Are More Fun Than Sticking Your Dick into a Cigarette Lighter. Abandoned by his mother days after hatching, he has a life goal of making the world feel his pain. He enjoys thrusting his tail into all kinds of interesting places.

More articles from Smutty:
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Star Fox SNES '93, Still Fun Today?
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